A Binger’s Profile

August 17th, 2009

foodcombo

“Our binger, on the other hand, who is constantly on a diet, will eat sparingly at her evening meal, preparing grilled fish with steamed broccoli and carrots and avoiding the mashed potato she serves to her partner and children. She too may serve apple pie for dessert, but only to the other members of the family. Unfortunately, one of her children may leave the crust of his pie and she absent-mindedly pops this into her mouth. This activates the need for more of the same and she will quickly finish the rest of the pie, then nibble on biscuits while clearing up. Later, preparing the children’s lunch boxes for the following day, she will open a five-pack of chocolate biscuits, put one into each box and eat the remaining three. Now into full binge-mode, she will continue eating for the whole evening, often indulging in weird food combinations like spooning lemon curd and muesli into a tin of condensed milk and eating it out of the tin with a teaspoon (as you do). She will do this stealthily, keeping an eye on the door in case anyone should come in and see her. She knows why she is fat and tells herself she will “start her diet again tomorrow”
- by Lee Janogly
Exerpted from Only Fat People Skip Breakfast

It still shocks me how much I can identify with the above.  Ok, it is true that I have no kids to tempt me with their leftovers, but I can assure you that food still found its way to my mouth regardless.  It is not even funny how accurate this is.  I would go out of my way to refrain from all the bad food on the dining table, but only to find myself eating more than ever when I am off the dining table.

And that part about “weird food combinations,” that is so true that I find disturbing.   And I am just going to admit that I know the exact moment at which I allow myself to go into this “full binge mode.”  I know, even as it is happening, that from this point on, I was going to regret it.

I know because I’ve lived through it most of my life (although I didn’t know there was a proper term for it – binging).  I know that occasional out-of-body sensation that you experience with eating that makes it very hard to resist anything edible before us.  And I clearly remember the unbearable bloated feeling and the overwhelming feeling of shame that follows.   I used to slap myself really hard on the face many times after a binge.  My face would turn bright red but I would not feel a thing because my shame had numbed me.

So here’s to all of you out there who is still fighting the battle to lose weight.  I know it is not easy, but I have faith in each and everyone of you that you will find your own way of winning the war.

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10 Responses to “A Binger’s Profile”

  1. Kate89 says:

    Thanks for sharing this.
    Reading this has been a relief to me, to know that I am not the only one with such a habit..

  2. Maysee says:

    I have kids, so this is like the story of my life!!
    But yes, we can all fight this and win! :)

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