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Confessions of an Ex-smoker

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

I confess. I used to smoke. I started in college. There were many reasons why I smoked but surprisingly, peer pressure wasn’t one of them. (I actually hung out with mostly non-smokers in my college days!) But being overweight has everything to do with it.

Aside from the obvious such as distracting me from my hunger and preventing me from eating our of boredom, a cigarette made me look cool. And when you have a thick build like me and your looks are mediocre, there’s not a lot going for you. And so the coolness factor becomes infinitely important. Holding that cigarette gives me my confidence. It saids to people “hey, I may not look gorgeous, but I have the attitude – that mysterious sexy edge.”

That’s how it started. Of course, then you start using smoking as a cure for everything. To take away your hunger because you’ve been on a perpetual diet. To take away your boredom for all the in-between moments in life. To calm myself in times of trouble. To “clear” my head when I am feeling highly emotional. And you continue this nasty habit because by then, you have form all sorts of silent bonds with any smokers you ever encountered in life. Now you are officially hooked and doomed.

So yes, I would blame my lung cancer (if I ever have one) on fat. It sounds like a lame excuse, but there is some truth in this and I’m sure some of you readers would resonate with me on this.

But thankfully, as I practice mindful eating and life coaching in recent years, the smoking habit naturally faded away. I have realized that smoking is not that different from my disastrous eating lifestyle. They are both destructive habits that I just took up to mask my problems underneath. Both meant to distract and so-called “cope.” Life coaching peeled off the layers to get to the bottom and allowed me to be aware of what my body really wants. Do I really need that cigarette? Does my body really want the nicotine at this time? Do I really feel like having that piece of oil-ridden crisp? In this way, the 2 problems are closely connected, and solving one naturally solves the other!

For those who have been less fortunate than me, the following may help you to kick that nasty habit. I know this has helped my dear brother, who is expecting a baby is less than 3 months time! I still believe that one can quit smoking by practicing consistant self-awareness, but this is the next best alternative for all you busy people out there. So give it a try if that’s what it takes! Though I do wonder about the presentation of it…does it still give you that “oh so cool” factor when it is a blue electronic light???

If you are using this product or will be using this product, do kindly let our readers know how effective or non-effective this product is!

A Binger’s Profile

Monday, August 17th, 2009

foodcombo

“Our binger, on the other hand, who is constantly on a diet, will eat sparingly at her evening meal, preparing grilled fish with steamed broccoli and carrots and avoiding the mashed potato she serves to her partner and children. She too may serve apple pie for dessert, but only to the other members of the family. Unfortunately, one of her children may leave the crust of his pie and she absent-mindedly pops this into her mouth. This activates the need for more of the same and she will quickly finish the rest of the pie, then nibble on biscuits while clearing up. Later, preparing the children’s lunch boxes for the following day, she will open a five-pack of chocolate biscuits, put one into each box and eat the remaining three. Now into full binge-mode, she will continue eating for the whole evening, often indulging in weird food combinations like spooning lemon curd and muesli into a tin of condensed milk and eating it out of the tin with a teaspoon (as you do). She will do this stealthily, keeping an eye on the door in case anyone should come in and see her. She knows why she is fat and tells herself she will “start her diet again tomorrow”
- by Lee Janogly
Exerpted from Only Fat People Skip Breakfast

It still shocks me how much I can identify with the above.  Ok, it is true that I have no kids to tempt me with their leftovers, but I can assure you that food still found its way to my mouth regardless.  It is not even funny how accurate this is.  I would go out of my way to refrain from all the bad food on the dining table, but only to find myself eating more than ever when I am off the dining table.

And that part about “weird food combinations,” that is so true that I find disturbing.   And I am just going to admit that I know the exact moment at which I allow myself to go into this “full binge mode.”  I know, even as it is happening, that from this point on, I was going to regret it.

I know because I’ve lived through it most of my life (although I didn’t know there was a proper term for it – binging).  I know that occasional out-of-body sensation that you experience with eating that makes it very hard to resist anything edible before us.  And I clearly remember the unbearable bloated feeling and the overwhelming feeling of shame that follows.   I used to slap myself really hard on the face many times after a binge.  My face would turn bright red but I would not feel a thing because my shame had numbed me.

So here’s to all of you out there who is still fighting the battle to lose weight.  I know it is not easy, but I have faith in each and everyone of you that you will find your own way of winning the war.